If you’re reading my story, you’ll see that I went from normal to crisis mode overnight. As I have a little bit of experience in this area, I offer my perspective to help others who might have to help loved ones through a crisis.

Most mental health issues tend to exhibit some signs, whether or not people recognize them, well in advance of a full psychotic episode or other form of crisis. When people are acting oddly, it can be scary. Don’t overreact. Take the time to assess their situation. Your first priority should be to make your loved one feel safe and loved. (I don’t believe true healing can happen effectively when one is terrified and living off adrenaline.) Focus on getting them calm, so you can really understand what is happening to them. Obtain perspective first, then put an action plan in place.

If you believe their behavior is due to a medical or mental illness, insure they get a good medical assessment. Only after exhausting all physical causes can you look for psychological causes. As a loved one, your job is to be an advocate. You need to fully explore all medical causes to insure you aren’t missing something critical to their successful recovery. Once you get into the mental health arena, labeled with a psychological issue, you are so far down the rabbit hole that it will be difficult to change course. Calling the police, taking them to an ER, or calling family members or friends should be your last resort, unless you think they are in danger or are dangerous.

Your loved one may require a stay in a behavioral unit. Behavioral units, the diplomatic spin to a mental institution, are no different than any other hospital in that the patient will need an advocate, somebody that will listen to what they need or don’t, somebody to question the medical staff on diagnosis and treatment plan, and somebody to fight for them. People don’t understand mental health issues so they will put labels on them, like “they’re crazy”, but this is just a coping mechanism and a symptom of their fear. We know that total wellness requires the combination of mental and physical health. Unfortunately when you have a mental illness people only see the psychological side of things and totally overlook the fact that you’re dealing with a brain issue which is the physical organ that keeps you alive. Don’t presume the diagnosis.

At times, a patient may be locked up in a behavioral unit, involuntarily held (like a 5150), where they are not allowed to leave for a regulated time. They cannot leave the hospital on their own accord. An involuntary hold is like a dark purgatory between a hospital and a prison. Being held in this middle earth existence is for people who might harm themselves or others and this is why they are treated ‘differently’, like they are a ‘criminal’. As a patient, what you want is to be treated like ‘YOU’. And when you are in a vulnerable state, you want the people you love and the people who love you, to be the ones to protect you. Making your loved one feel safe and protected should be a priority.

For people who are self-aware and rational, connected to their emotions, and able to have an honest conversation, the best thing you can do for them is to listen to them and trust what they say. ‘What is right for you?’ ‘What do you need?’ ‘What can I do for you?’ are the best questions you can ask to create that safe place for your loved one. Give them that comfort that what they want or what they think they need is important to you. Inserting your opinion or beliefs, when not asked, puts the other person on defense. Taking control or treating your loved one as a child, generates distrust and discord. Contradicting what your loved one is saying about their health, or how they are feeling, is damaging – it makes them feel isolated, they start to second guess themselves, and then they just stop talking. Maintaining trust is key to helping your loved one through their crisis.

When you are in a crisis, you want your family and friends to come together. Not run for the hills with an attitude of ‘Everyone For Themselves.’ Be analytical, think critically but not judgmentally. Keep an open mind, full heart, and sharp ears and allow what you hear to challenge what you currently believe or perceive to be true. The last thing your loved one needs at this time is to be treated like a child, a prisoner, a crazy person. Treat them the way you would want to be treated. Funny how the simple Golden Rule can save a life, can better a bad situation, can keep things from getting out of control.

I know this might not work for every situation or those more seriously impaired, but for many of us, this could be a lifeline. And keep in mind that we have to live with the stigma and shame of being in a mental hospital because the world isn’t very accepting of mental illness. An important thing you can do is maintain your loved one’s privacy. It’s another form of protecting the person you love. Confidentiality – like privilege (in legal terms) amongst husband and wife – should be applied in every loving relationship.

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash

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Nikita@dontreleaseme.com