We’ve all heard the term intervention as it’s used by family and friends to convince a drug addict or alcoholic to commit themselves to rehab. The key to an intervention though is to do it well. Like any planned event, there are many options and ways to conduct an intervention but there are several areas I’d like to highlight to improve the likelihood of a good outcome.

An intervention should be an assembly of key family members and friends that can have an influence on the target (victim). Aunt Sally twice removed probably won’t help, but mom and dad probably will. Too many people is not a good idea as it gets to be a circus instead of a well-orchestrated process. You need enough close people that can sway the victim, but not too many that they feel overwhelmed (and it takes too long). These things take some judgement.

Choose a time that works well for the intended recipient and is usually a time they aren’t busy. Choose a location that is private, restaurants are out, and comfortable for the number of people you plan to have. You will probably need to surprise the target with the event, much like a surprise party because the intent of this meeting is to convince them of the need for rehab, which they aren’t likely to want to do, or they would have. Surprising them is likely the only way to get them to an assembly of this many people intent on one objective, locking them up.

Before the actual intervention, friends and family should have researched the options for treatment, determined the target’s insurance coverage and/or out of pocket costs, and have a plan for how the treatment will be covered. Likewise they should have a good understanding of the facility or program, it’s approach, what is expected of the patient, and what is expected of the family. Understand what you are trying to commit your loved one to.

Someone needs to spearhead the meeting to make progress around the room, keep from getting derailed, and insure that the full agenda is accomplished. The person in charge will introduce the intent of the intervention, state the problem, state why everyone is there, state the objective (going to rehab), and offer assurance that everyone will be there for support. This is the person that can set the tone of the intervention and they should be loving, sincere, supportive, kind, and persistent.

Each person at the intervention will be expected to state their love, why they are concerned about the person, what the person’s behavior has done to them specifically, remind them that they need to seek treatment, and let them know they have support. Each person should be prepared to state the consequences if the individual does not seek treatment.

An example could go something like this: Joe, you are a greatly loved member of the Smith family. You are surrounded by the friends and family that want to help you succeed and be the best person you can be. Today, you aren’t your best. You are an alcoholic. You need treatment to be the best person you can be. Your illness has made our lives difficult in many ways, from loaning you money when you lost your job, to babysitting your kids when you’re on a binge, to leaving your wife alone for days to care for your children alone, to being a bad employee who calls in sick often. You need to get into a rehabilitation program to get sober and kick your addiction. We can’t help you alone, you need professional help. Please do this of we will need to stop supporting your addiction. We will no longer pay your bills, loan our cars, live in the same house as you. If you choose to help yourself through rehab, we will support you. We will be here when you need it, but we can’t support the alchohol any longer.

The gist of this is to 1) make sure the patient knows they are loved and this is coming from a place of care. 2) Let them know you see their problem. 3) Tell them how their addiction has impacted you. 4) Tell them the consequences if they don’t seek help. 5) Tell them how you can support them through rehab.

Be prepared for the individual to deny they have a problem, that you are exaggerating, that you are making it up, etc. They will not usually comply immediately. Don’t argue, just state your positions, continue to go around the room with everyone having a chance to speak. To be effective, people need to be very specific. Just saying the person harmed you isn’t specific enough. You need to say they fell down at the Christmas party and broke the chair which cost money and was embarrassing. Or they started a fight which disrupted the entire party and ruined it for everyone.

When you relay the consequences if the target doesn’t listen to the advice and requests, and refuses to seek treatment, then you need to be prepared to follow through on the consequences. And they should be meaningful. You can’t have an intervention, have the target say “thanks but no thanks”, then all go back to business as usual. There has to be serious implications. The point is that this person has caused so much damage to their life and yours that you needed to intervene. You can’t go back.

In no way should this intervention be about idle threats or about shame. The goal of the intervention should be for the patient to see that treatment is the obvious choice for them. Do not let the addict walk out in shame or feeling cornered. Beating the person down emotionally will only make them defensive. Addicts and alcoholics, once sober and drug free, will need to work on rebuilding their self-esteem. Don’t make it worse such that they want to hide by making them ashamed or defensive.

Intervention is just the first step toward treatment. It is still a long road and while this intervention may make the family feel centered around a cause and optimistic for the recovery of their loved one, sobriety or being clean, is a lifetime battle. A successful intervention doesn’t mean treatment will be successful. However, a successful intervention does give everyone an emotional boost to energize them for the next step.

Based on my own personal experience, I’d like to also add this:

• Don’t use an intervention if the person doesn’t have a real problem. Your perception might not be legit.
• Before the meeting, gain consensus with the others that will attend the intervention on what is needed and why.
• Don’t half-ass it. You get one shot at it, so do it well. Everyone should know what they need to do and be prepared.
• Be prepared for the intervention to cause friction, anger, shame, and break relationships.
• Be prepared for the target of the intervention to become more secretive and less open if they don’t agree with your assessment.
• Be empathetic. Realize the target will feel attacked, manipulated and disrespected. They will feel hurt by what you say. They’ll feel you’re treating them like a child. They may no longer trust you and feel you’ve abandoned them.
• Interventions can be chaotic. Be prepared.

Photo by Zoe VandeWater on Unsplash

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Nikita@dontreleaseme.com