Secrets of a Happy Marriage

Aiming to achieve a Golden Anniversary? 50 years of marriage is a true feat. Besides the “Golden Rule”, that is, treating your spouse as you’d like to be treated, there is no simple way to achieve longevity because it takes work on several fronts. Mutual respect goes a long way, but after that, if you’re still looking for inspiration and ideas to improve your daily life, the internet is loaded with suggestions. You’ll see several common themes after you’ve done some research. I’ve taken ideas from many websites and boiled it down to some key areas and ideas that can help you keep the magic alive.

~Communication~

Communication is extremely important in any relationship and we all can learn a few pointers on how to do it better.

Decide deal breakers before you marry
Be a good listener
Be honest
Take turns
Learn to talk
Patience is a virtue
Learn to tune out noise
Don’t bring work into relationship
Arguments are normal.
- Compromise
- Agree to disagree
- Focus on long term view of relationship
- Work it through
- Don’t talk about leaving or divorce
- Take time to cool off if things get heated
- Speak using I statements when you argue
- Learn to really apologize
- Say no to distractions when talking
Show you care
- Know partner’s love language
- Say I love you often with meaning
- Let partner know you’re thinking about them through the day
- Always kiss each other goodnight
- Have a daily meal-time check in

~Attitude~

Your own attitude can make or break any relationship. Specific efforts toward improving your attitude can help your relationship by making the other person feel better, as well as yourself. You control your responses.

You chose your spouse so choose to be attracted to them. Keep the chemistry and romance alive.
Focus on the positive
- Forgive bad behavior
- Focus on the character, not the flaws
- Focus on frequency of good traits
- Look at strengths, not faults
- Accept the other
- Don’t look for excuses to end things
- Imagine what your life would be like w/o them
Laugh with each other
End night on positive note
Give compliments
Be kind
Appreciate each other
Be grateful
Don’t take for granted, cherish each other
Adapt
- Don’t try to control the other person
- Keep saying yes to new experiences
- Keep your spouse guessing – don’t be boring and predictable

~Self~

While marriage is about being a great partner, it’s also about being your best self, having a separate identity and some introspection.

Don’t expect your partner to complete you
- Be independent
- Have your own interests
- Have diverse friends to fill many needs, like sporting events
Get tough, don’t be overly sensitive or take things personally
Get emotionally healthy
Don’t be boring
Take responsibility for yourself and your actions
Spend time alone
Take pride in your appearance

~Work Together~

This is a list of things couples can work on together.

Setting a good foundation

Accept no marriage is perfect
Keep standards high, expect more get more
Make sure you have same financial priorities
Keep a strong foundation of friendship
Dream a dream. Build a common vision for your life
Let go of fantasy
Don’t fear professional help
Negotiate sex
Pursue spirituality
Add romance
Keep intimacy alive
Give each other space
Focus on friendship not just lust
Know grass is not always greener
Know you’re a team no matter what
Have sense of humor about self and relationship
Stay close to family and friends
Limit outside influences
Accept and expect change

Keep the commitment and love flowing

Reminisce about why you first fell in love
Celebrate small, good moments
Live in the moment and enjoy life
Do things together
- Have fun together
- Time should be 80% good, 20% bad
- Enjoy each other’s company
- Decompress together
- Stay connected
- Do new things together
- Keep company with positive people
- Pursue some of the same interests
Make everything a date
Make dinner at home special occasion
Make intimacy a priority outside bedroom
Be physically affectionate
Learn what you want in bed, share with your partner
Make your partner feel wanted
Small tokens of love/appreciation/demonstration
Look for the soft emotion